Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
someone threw a dead crab at me
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
