She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Randomize
