i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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