while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
