If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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