At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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