My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize