You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my sisters under your porch take her home
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
