when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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