get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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