Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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