I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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