Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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