woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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