We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
