Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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