Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
