Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
