Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
