My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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