Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize