am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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