I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
