I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just invented taco cereal.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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