my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
