so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
