omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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