this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
