im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I believe in your delicious
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
