U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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