I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
