I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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