yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
