just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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