Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You're like the curious george of whores
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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