The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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