Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
