Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
