i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
