i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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