matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
