just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
