Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
