Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize