she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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