Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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