just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
