so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
