What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
