Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
