i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize