He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
