i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
