I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
