Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
