her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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