There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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