Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
