Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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