she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
