One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
