i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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