That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize