I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
