I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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