Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
