Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
