My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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