She's JV to your varsity
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize