drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
