I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
