I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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